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I can't feel anything cuz I fear everything.
Nu furie, nici macar dezamagire, frica primeaza, domina, acopera orice coltisor. In zilele bune, e impinsa cat sa faca putin loc altor sentimente, oricare ar fi. Gelozie, bucurie, tristete, entuziasm... speranta. Dar de obicei e doar frica.

More bones to sort!

Sometime a keeper here in Windsor Forest,
Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,
Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,
And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain
In a most hideous and dreadful manner.
You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know
The superstitious idle-headed eld
Receiv'd, and did deliver to our age,
This tale of Herne the Hunter for a truth.

Prea târziu prea devreme,
Dacă aleg să nu lupt, viața mea e o pierdere de vreme.
Prea târziu prea devreme,
E un ceas deșteptător care sună atunci când vine Moș Ene.
Prea târziu prea devreme,
Timpul meu n-a venit încă și totuși totul se cerne.
Prea târziu prea devreme.
E prea târziu prea devreme.

Laissez tomber les filles,
Laissez tomber les filles,
Un jour c’est toi qu’on laissera.
Laissez tomber les filles,
Laissez tomber les filles,
Un jour c’est toi qu’on laissera.

Oui j'ai pleuré mais ce jour-là.
Non, je ne pleurerai pas,
Non, je ne pleurerai pas.
Oui j'ai pleuré mais ce jour-là.
Je ne pleurerai pas,
Je ne pleurerai pas.

I guess you had no idea that you could have persuaded me.
Girl, you could have had me doing anything you pleased.
Girl, you should have took your time and thought of what to say to me,
'Cuz I'm not as hard as I make it seem to be.

It could have went so many ways,
So many ways it can go.
'Cuz ain't nobody feels the way that I feel when I’m alone.
So if I said that I won't call,
The lying comes natural to me.
You probably could have had it all,
You could have been that lonely star,
If we just went on.
If we just went on.
If we just went on.
If we just went on.

Happiness exists when you don't know a thing,
So I hope you don't think this song is about you.
And only I can know how close you came,
But baby I'm a pro at letting go,
I love it when they come and go...

Mainstream wisdom. Or just copping out like a coward. Penisi...

I used to write good. Bine, absolut stilu 'meu,' dar fuck it , it was funny. Citesc acu si imi place. Parca eram mai destept atunci. Nu eram, evident, poate doar un pic mai cu energie si cu mai mult exercitiu.

Also mai cu durere in pula. Sunt si acum, da nu din aceleasi motive. Sau altfel de durere intr-o altfel de pula. Mi-e somn, da nu vreau sa dorm. Ar trebui. Nu am chef si energie de nic altceva, dar am cumva o scanteie creativa care ma impinge. Poate e doar disperarea, disperarea de a iesi din rahat, din rutina, din nimicu in care ma afund. Nu a fost altfel niciodata, I guess.

Cand nu eram singur doar imi ocupam timpul. Nu am mai facut muzica de ani buni. Nu mai zic de alte chestii creative sau macar evolutionare. Abia am invatat niste cod cu chiu cu vai. So, it was bad I guess. Rutina. In the long run.

Dar, in pula mea, rutina aia e foarte comfortabila. Si satisfacatoare, in felul ei. Sa ai ce manca in fiecare seara, sa ai cu cine, sa ai cu cine vorbi, sa ai cu cine nu vorbi. Sa ai pe cine tine in brate sau pe cine sa ignori. Sa ai cu cine sa te uiti la un serial mediocru. Sa ai cu cine sa dormi si sa stii ca e acolo.

Bine, evident, siguranta aia e falsa, dar ... atat de recomfortanta. Nu simteam nevoia de mai mult, de altceva. Nu foarte mult.

Inteleg de ce nu vrei sa renunti la ea, practic nici eu nu am renuntat de buna voie. It's not worth fucking up your life for, dar e doar gura de mine.

Sunt un ipocrit. Pot sa argumentez orice, dar nu cred in nimic. Imi place asta la ea, desi nu stiu inca daca si restul. Probabil e nesiguranta mea care ma opreste. Sigur e. Pana la urma, ce cacat vreau? Nu am cum sa fiu sigur, de unde pula mea as putea fi si ce conteaza? Adica, I like her, I should fucking do something. Adica, what's the worst that can happen? She says no ... no loss there. Or it doesn't work out. Whatever, get in line. I'm having a great year so far ... in that department. Whatever. I'm just bored. Or something.

Anyway, emo ranting, that's what everyone wants to hear. Not that aynone would fucking read. Bine, how could they, blogu vechi e obscur, dar asta e basically gaura neagra. Bad analogy.

Fuck, tot timpu e terapeutic. Bine, nu blogu sau scrisu de fapt, ci faptu ca imi pun ideile intr-o ordine. Nu stiu de ce nu pot altfel. De fapt stiu, e fiindca nici macar nu incerc. I wallow in my shit.

Pula mea frate, shit is not so bad. It really isn't. I'm a smart motherfucker, I'm reasonably funny and charming, reasonably nice, reasonably social, relatively caring. I'm in the best shape of my life, sau the best context. In many ways. Not so much in others. But, fuck.

#optimism ... serios.

So fuck me daca nu fac trei pana la sfarsitu anului. Imi dublez my lifetime achievement. Ar fi o treaba nu? Si I can't fuck up another relationship by the year's end. Right? Nici macar eu. Nu e destul timp.

Adica, everything is shit, might as well enjoy it, cum ii ziceam si ei. Two-bit troubled intelectual care ma gasesc. If I was any lamer I would be getting mad pussy. In more ways than one. Double entendre la patrat.

Heh, sunt ca un fotbalist care se retrage in varful carierei ca nu mai are ce demonstra. Sau Pantofaru. Si care revine cativa ani mai tarziu. Mai ruginit, mai incet, da, cumva, se vede sclipirea. Sucking ma own dick much? Avec plaisir.

Partea de cacat e ca imi sare somnu. Da las ca ma ajuta vinu. #bourgeoisie

Gata coae. I'll start living. Serios. Start reading, stard doing, start creating. Adica, I can, I should, but I wallow. For fucking what?

Si I won't be alone. I was alone for too fucking long. Enough for a lifetime. Sunt un egoist, da, dar o sa imi impart putina bucurie cu cineva. Cat e sa fie si daca nu mai e, nu mai e. Viata e facuta sa o consumi. Nici macar nu e hedonistic. Cum zice Soko, fix acu. Let's love fully, let's love loud. Cuz soon enough we'll die.

It's all, not one
I love everything
No sleep
I lose everything
Oh, don't tell me again
I won't see you again