I’m growing more and more disappointed of people/humans as individuals and as a whole. And the group includes me of course. That is somewhat surprising as I never had too high of an opinion on the matter anyway. Still I was, not expecting but, knowing this to be a possibility. And now I am more convinced than ever that this opinion is going to change, for the worse, even further.
Now, my normal reaction to reading something similar to what I’ve just written would be ‘boo-fucking-hoo’ and/or ‘tell me something new’ so I understand if it is your’s as well. That doesn’t detract, though, from the fact that what I am saying is true, it is what I am feeling and it’s still sad, however common.
There are more than a few ways in which I am being disappointed but I suppose two stand out more recently. The first one I will only discuss briefly as it’s not a general problem it is a matter of perception and my own inner workings; it’s me-specific, so to say. Expecting people to care, or at least have the decency to be ‘polite’ or have some sort of common courtesy is, I’ve found, repeatedly, too much to ask. I try not to, and mostly succeed, but somehow it still affects me. And I’m not talking about people on the street, people I don’t know. Some level of civility in those cases is to be expected, you know to separate us from the beasts and all, but anything above that is, to me at least, hypocritical bullshit. No, I’m talking about people I do know, also people who regard themselves somewhat superior to the commoners. And it’s not just one or two, although some stand out, it’s the vast majority. But, and I want to stress this, I’m not talking about ‘please’ ‘thank you’ or shit like that. I’m talking about some things that you should or should not do, the little things that make distinction between self-absorbed-egotistical-I’m-the-center-of-the-universe-asshole and … well … human. I’m not one for ‘I blame the times/it’s all going to shit’ speech and, in fact, I’m not gonna make it. Yes the modern times with their exponential growth in communication options and volume, the *digital/on-line *variety in particular, has a lot to do with the symptoms i.e. people are more rude, inconsiderate, what have you. And, yes it is to be expected, the apparent lack of consequences makes it easier for people to act this way. But the fundamental underlying problem: “people are assholes” was, I believe, with us from the beginning it was just hid better. I suppose we should be glad that people are more sincere. Anyway I said I was going to be brief and I’m still rambling. In conclusion, I don’t actually expect people to be nice or even considerate, I gave up a long time ago and I don’t get hurt by it in most cases, it’s more of a nuisance, but it would be … nice … for a change.
The other thing that has been on my mind lately is somewhat more troubling. People lie. And by lie I don’t mean some conscious decision to say something *untrue. *I mean they lie to themselves and others believing that they are in fact telling the truth. They make a promise, with every intent on keeping it. And when, as was to be expected, they can’t make good on that promise … well … everyone loses. The one who made it loses because he feels bad about not keeping it, assuming that he does, and the other one feels bad because he was disappointed. They say something to someone, holding it as a universal truth even if they have their doubts, still in good will, trying to help the other but in the end none of them will benefit from this. I could go on like this for a while but examples are not the point. It boils down, people have expectations of themselves and others and when those expectations are not met to say the least, and they never are, we get sucked in even more in the shit that we create in the first place.
This in it self doesn’t seem too much of a big deal if it weren’t for the scale of it. It happens so many times a day and with so many people, everyone in fact, that when you start to grasp it’s magnitude it’s scary and seems impossible to *cure. *And if fact I don’t believe it can be cured, changed or even diminished. Very few people are capable of battling this urge, with no hope of success of course but at least fighting it, and I don’t think I know any of them, perhaps a couple but even they aren’t all that good at it … Everyone will disappoint you, especially yourself, and it’s not so much enraging or distressing as it is sad. Just plain sad.
We prefer to maintain the illusion of control, we try to appear as if we know what we are saying, that we have truths.
The fact is that we have no idea what the hell we’re doing, what we’re saying yet the fear of coming to grips with such a terrible thing is so great that we prefer to block it, to lie to ourselves, and other, continually so that,maybe, by their sheer number and relentlessness, we may start to believe them. Some do it better than others and may in fact may be able to keep the masquerade until they die, although cracks are inevitable with time. Some can’t manage the perpetual effort.
Ca epilog:
Archive – Sham
si cu versuri.
Sper sa nu fac un obicei din asta … desi, evident, gusturile mele muzicale sunt mult mai bune ca ale voastre.
Aaa si sa nu uit … asa arata un post de-a meu scris ziua … de care nu am mai mult de 5 … da ca sa vedeti ca nu is un cretin imprevizibil, incomprensibil ( 
), labil si in general penibil tot timpul. Pot fi si un cretin penibil cat se poate de stabil si banal.